Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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