matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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