drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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