I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
