So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He passed out mid-signature
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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