Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
