my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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