john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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