I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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