His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
