Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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