Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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