I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
