How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
