I feel great
I just peed on a car
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
