dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
