OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
