i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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