You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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