I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
