well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
