The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
