Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
