have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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