this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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