dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
