You can't special order awesome
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize