so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
