Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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