Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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