You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
What did we do last night that was yellow?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
What a dumb baby whore.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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