i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
