4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
