I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
