Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
COCAINE IS GR8
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
