k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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