20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
