So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
