I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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