I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
