That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
50% drunk capacity currently
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
