apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
