I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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