I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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