i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
