I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
