guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
