i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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