There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
