the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
